Me, my, and I are words that can speak loudly about the character of a leader. The frequency of their possessive use in a leader’s vocabulary can be an unfortunate identifying mark of one’s leadership style.
Every time I think about this concept, one specific moment comes to mind. I have had the pleasure of serving on the Acworth Business Association Board of Directors for about twenty years. We hold monthly luncheons and invite speakers to come in to address the membership. The speakers range from subject matter experts in a particular area of business, leadership communicators, and politicians.
In this case, it was the latter.
Me, My, and I
After a few minutes into this politician’s speech, I pulled out a pen and started keeping a tally sheet of the times he used the words me, my, and I. It only took a few minutes before I put the pen back in my pocket. I was concerned that either my hand was going to cramp or the pen would run out of ink!
He consistently talked about legislation that “I passed.” Last I checked there are 56 Senators and 180 State Representatives in the Georgia General Assembly. YOU didn’t pass the legislation yourself! It required committee work, extensive vetting, and a majority vote of the House and Senate to make it a law. That was just one example of his abusive onslaught of me’s, my’s, and I’s that day.
Words matter. The words we choose to use can tell others a lot about us. Our use of me, my, and I may be purely innocent, but if not careful, it can lead people to believe three things about us:
Insecure
Although the speaker held a position of power, he was merely projecting his weakness…insecurity. He obviously felt the need to overcompensate for something. When someone’s vocabulary is dominated by me, my, and I, insecurity dominates their world.
Insecurity is not an aspirational goal. While we do not desire to be insecure, it can easily gain internal footing the further we go in leadership. We should remain on constant guard of its capabilities.
In fairness to this gentlemen, the political arena gains you critics. He probably saw this as an opportunity to deliver a message directly to his constituents free of critical filters. It was his opportunity to celebrate the hard work he had put into the position. It just didn’t come across that way.
In leadership, insecurity grows when we gain critics. The higher we go, the critics come out of the woodwork. Dale Carnegie said it this way, “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn, and most do.” We Can Count on Critics to meet us at every intersection of our leadership journeys.
Great leaders fight, resist, and overcome their insecurities. They do it by cautiously choosing words of security, not insecurity.
Self-Promoting
The speaker spent his allotted time self-promoting. He was more interested in promoting perceived personal achievements for selfish gain. It was all about him. Not giving him the benefit of the doubt this time, his self-promotion was likely generated out of ambitions for higher office or re-election.
I enjoy reading Patrick Lencioni books. He wrote one of my favorite books of all time called the Ideal Team Player. He says that the Ideal Team Player is, “Humble, Hungry, and Smart.” Of the three, he considers humility to be the most important.
C.S. Lewis once said that, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” Humility is the antithesis of selfishness. Humility and selfishness cannot co-exist.
Our Mayor, Tommy Allegood, has a sign above his door that says, “It’s not about me.” Every time we walk out of his office, it is a stark reminder of who we are responsible for serving…others. The path to success in leadership is not paved with self-promotion, it’s selfless service.
Great leaders require zero self-promotion. Their genuineness, authenticity, and humility speaks for itself.
Exclusive
The elected official’s comments were full of words that drew credit away from the General Assembly and redirected it towards himself. The accomplishments of the legislative body took a backseat to their need for exclusive credit. If you would have been in the room that day and unfamiliar with the legislative process, you would have thought everything good in the State of Georgia ran through this single individual.
I tend to subscribe to a theory regarding credit. When there is blame to be assigned, the leader steps out from amongst the team and steps forward into the spotlight. When there is credit to be assigned, the leader takes a step back and ushers the team into the spotlight.
When we give ourselves too much credit, we are being exclusive. When we redirect credit to others, we are inclusive. Isolation is created with exclusivity, great leaders are credit inclusive.
Conclusion
I am comfortable writing about this particular speaker because shortly after that event, they were not re-elected to office. In fact, they lost the race to a secure, humble, and inclusive leader. The three qualities the speaker that day did not possess.
Just like I have managed to do in this post, it can be easy to pick on someone else that struggles with the use of me, my, and I. I try really hard to minimize their use, but can easily succumb to the temptation.
So…before we go pulling our tally sheets out next time, we should start with the person in The Mirror. The reflection that we face every day when we get out of bed.
It is easy to keep someone else’s score, but way harder to keep our own. My hope is that this concept provokes thought and awareness of our chosen vocabulary. The words we use can define our leadership.
Me, my, and I should be minimized and we, our, and us should be maximized. This simple change can redirect the trajectory of our leadership journey. Give it a try. WE can do this.