What will they say? A defining question in life and leadership. The answer will be found in the words of those whose lives we have Interceded along our journey.
Principals for Coaching
I recently completed the Georgia High School Association’s Community Coaching Education Program. I am now certified to be an assistant coach at the high school level.
The process required that I take several different modules. I took concussion awareness training, a wrestling rules clinic, first aid, and Principles for Coaching. The Principles for Coaching was the most intensive, a two day, eight-hour course.
The instructor presented different questions and scenarios for discussion purposes. There was one where we had to pick our favorite coach and list the reasons why. It made me reflect a lot.
It was fascinating to listen to the twenty-five plus coaches share their responses. Because of the class size, we were only able to share our favorite coach. Each of our stories clearly credited that coach for inspiring us to lead young people.
As others were sharing, I wrote this simple question in my notebook…“What will they say?” As a leader, a coach, and a father, what will those that look up to me say when it is all said and done? It’s a heavy question.
Here are four things I would want them to say:
He Guided Me
When leading young people, it’s tempting to try to exercise control. Not out of poor motives, just simple concern for their future. Especially as a parent, I do not want to see my children stumble over something preventable. I certainly do not want them to experience my failures. If you have parented, you feel the same way.
Instead of control, I desire to guide people. It’s an art that requires delicate balance.
When I was teaching my daughter how to drive, she tended to drift towards the outside of the lane. It’s natural for a new driver as the alternative is drifting into oncoming traffic!
I have a vivid memory of one day when she got really, really close to the edge of the road. If you asked her to recall this near miss…she probably only recalls me yelling at the top of my lungs, “GET AWAY FROM THE EDGE OF THE ROAD!” What she would forget is my first calm, “You are getting too close to the end of the road,” followed by a firmer version of the same warning.
I tend to lean on this strategy in leadership. First, I’m going to make a suggestion to consider for your own best interest. Second, I’m going to more firmly recommend the prior suggestion. Third, it’s time to be direct before we hit the guardrail!
It’s our responsibility as leaders to put guardrails up for them. It gives the people we lead freedom to work within those boundaries without ending up in the ditch.
I likely never appreciated this as a young leader, an athlete, or a son…but I do now. Ditches are tough to get out of and delay the journey.
He Was Patient with Me
Patience is one of the most under-celebrated characteristics of a leader. It requires tremendous discipline. I have always been willing to bet on people. Whether it’s someone I lead in the workplace, a player, or my kids…I will always bet on them.
My mind tends to work unconventionally. I would much rather take a good person and develop them, then try to force experience to fit. This requires taking chances on people. Taking chances requires extraordinary patience in the development process.
There were kids that most coaches would have given up on that I took chances on. Believe me, I had every reason to in some cases. Nothing brings me more joy than to watch one of those kids play at a higher level, graduate at a higher level, and become a contributing member of society. Nothing.
Patience plays the long game. Whatever the sport, I will guarantee you this, our teams will get better the further we go into the season. We may have some miscues early, but we will be the best team when the dust settles.
Leading, coaching, and parenting demands our patience. Why? Because someone else was patient with us. We are where we are because they were patient.
He Disciplined Me
Look…developing people is not all unicorns and rainbows. Sometimes it requires discipline. Don’t confuse that for punishment. Discipline shapes and molds a person into who they could be. Punishment tears them down. There is a significant difference.
Unfortunately, it takes time for the people we lead, our athletes, and our children to realize the benefits of discipline. It took a while for me to truly appreciate those people who gave it to me.
Even if the people I am entrusted to lead and protect felt like I was tough, I’ll take it. Discipline corrects and provides consistency. Consistency compounds.
Conclusion – He Loved and Cared for Me
I conduct Upward Evaluations on all our upper-level leaders in the organization. Often, the best feedback we receive is from those that we lead. The most important question we ask, “Does the leader care for me personally and professionally?” Show me anything other than a yes, I’ll show you a leader who is struggling.
As a leader, coach, and father this one means the most to me. It would absolutely break my heart to hear someone say they felt like I did not love and care for them.
When I reflect on this question, I hope that I will have lived a life that would place me on someone’s “favorite list.” Whether it’s a person I led at work, an athlete I coached, or one of my children, my sincere hope is they would say that their life is better for our intersection. That in some small way, I played a part in bettering their worlds.
That’s my hope, as for you…“What will they say?”
