Warrior princess, an oxymoron if there ever was one. Prissy, yet tough. Kind, yet fierce. Persuasive, yet forceful. Well-rounded and fully capable of relating to the masses.
Warrior Princess
My daughter, Ashtyn Ann, started college at Kennesaw State University a couple of weeks ago. My best advice to a young parent…“don’t blink!” Time absolutely flies.
Coming into my Sunday morning writing routine, I didn’t have a topic yet. I tinkered around with various concepts, then a random picture came into my mind. It was an image of my little girl, in a princess dress…wielding a sword!
From that point forward, she became my warrior princess. Every daddy’s dream! A daughter that is just the right amount of sweet balanced with a little sass. A charming little girl, but tough enough to fend for herself. A perfect mix of everything that a daughter can be.
The Oxymoronic Leader
How does the concept of a Warrior Princess translate to leadership? The requirements of leadership are oxymoronic in itself! It’s a constant tension to manage to find the sweet spot.
One of the greatest challenges of leadership is to meet the unique demands of those we are entrusted to lead. To be the person that each one of them needs us to be. The more people we lead, the greater the burden becomes.
Those we lead can expect tremendous grace for themselves, while expecting us to hold others strictly responsible for their actions. They crave the daily freedom to decide, but expect our rescuing from less than stellar decisions. At times, they yearn for the scales to tip towards autonomy, but shy away from the counterbalance of accountability. All are natural dynamics of leadership.
This whole exercise can leave us questioning our approach to everything. To give grace, to hold responsible. To delegate decisions, or to directly decide. To allow autonomy, or to make them own the accountability.
It’s a tough place to be in as a leader. Here are three thoughts to address the tension.
Work Towards Imbalance
Balance is one of the hardest things to achieve in leadership. It can be impossible. Every time we think we are getting close to it, the slightest bit of chaos can tip the scales in the opposite direction. We overcompensate and end up out of balance again.
It’s imbalance that is realistic. That is the art of getting as close to balanced as we possibly can without drastically tipping the scales. It senses when things are beginning to get out of whack and makes the necessary adjustments.
There are days that call for us to be flexible and ones that call for us to stand firm. Days when we are extraordinarily patient and days we must be overly direct. Times when we have to lose a battle to be able to win the war later. Let the extremes of the day drive us back to imbalance.
Treat People Differently
Not a common concept. In fact, some would cringe at the thought of it. Bear with me. Let me be crystal clear, in no way should policies and rules be applied differently. But, the way we treat people should. The way we make them feel matters.
I have learned this valuable lesson through twenty-five years of coaching young people. There were kids that needed a firm “talking to” when they made mistakes or needed improvement. I could provide that critique in front of the team. They responded to that application of treatment.
There were others that didn’t. They needed to be pulled aside, away from the group. The critique needed to be delivered soft. The recipient needed encouragement.
Both treatments, drastically different, equally effective in outcome. I knew my players, I knew what motivated and inspired them. It was a Prescriptive Treatment for each of their individual needs.
Leadership is the same. All of the people we lead are uniquely wired. Some need tough love, some need gentleness. It’s an imperfect art that each leader uses to connect with their people. They are uniquely different, treat them that way.
Conclusion – Be Authentically and Genuinely You
When we can’t get to imbalance. When trying to adapt to each and every unique personality on the team becomes exhaustive, there is only one option left…be authentically and genuinely you.
Too often we think that history’s great leaders all led the same way. News flash, they didn’t! Why? Because they all led authentically and genuinely. When all else failed, they defaulted to the core of who they were.
One of our leaders shared an impactful insight with me one day. It was in a season where exhaustion had crept its way in. I had stopped by their office and we were able to just have a normal conversation in the midst of chaos. They said, “it was nice to talk to…just James.”
It was a stark reminder of the importance of being, “just me.” Implementing the principles of every leadership book, podcast, and lecture is hard. Being, “just us.” Easy.
My daughter is forever crowned the Warrior Princess in my heart, not because of who she tries to be, but because of who she genuinely and authentically is.
