Do I aspire to be good or great? This is the fundamental question that every leader must wrestle with. Ordinary or extraordinary…there is a choice for each of us to make.
Returning to the Mat
My son, Grant, has high aspirations entering his Junior season of wrestling. His goal is to place at State. He fell just one victory short of that goal last season.
This season isn’t exactly off to the start he planned. In the second week of the season, he hurt his knee. After a few weeks of rest, he returned to the mat this past Monday. In only five practices, he had to balance staying healthy while trying to get his cardio and strength back, two things that every wrestling match tests.
That balancing act impacted his weight cutting plan, which resulted in a last-minute push to make weight. Not good for energy levels the day of the tournament.
Adding to the list of challenges, this weekend’s tournament was one of the toughest he competes in every year. Not exactly the best conditions for a “successful” return.
When the brackets got posted that morning, it matched him against a kid that he had beaten during summer wrestling. Certainly, a favorable first round matchup.
Well, things didn’t go as expected. In fact, nothing went as expected and the referee called the match by “technical fall” in the third period. For those not familiar with wrestling, this means the other wrestler was ahead by more than fifteen points.
I try to walk an extremely delicate balance between coach and dad. Coach wants to quickly watch the film, identify what went wrong, and fix it moving forward. Dad knows that he needs time and then we talk. I chose dad.
After an appropriate amount of time had passed, I went and sat with Grant in the bleachers. I do my best to lead off with questions. First, I wanted to make sure his body was okay. It was. Second, I wanted to make sure he was good mentally. While his body was okay, I could tell he wasn’t mentally. He said very little other than he, “just didn’t have any energy.” Between his cardio not being where he wanted and the tough weight cut, it certainly made sense.
As an athlete, I know him, I’ve been coaching him in every sport he has played since he was five. As a father, I know him, because he is me!
I chose to go ahead and Intercede my opinion. I told him, “I know exactly what was going through your mind.” He just lost to a kid that he has beaten and should have beaten. Also, his teammates watched one of their leaders lose a first round match, a leader with extremely high expectations (both externally and self-imposed) for his performance. It was a hard loss for him. “It sucked, I get it,” I told him.
I advised him that he had two responses to his circumstance. Good wrestlers get Stuck here and dwell on the previous match. Great wrestlers spend some time in their defeat, but then they forget it and move on.
I told him that I would give him a few minutes to hang out in the moment, then it was time to focus on his nutrition and winning the next match.
Pinning Yourself
Grant isn’t the only one on the team with high aspirations. He wasn’t the only one to have a disappointing first round either.
One of his training partners, Jonny, is a senior and placed at state last year. This is his final high school season, and his goal is to win the State Championship.
Jonny’s match went a little differently. He was winning…and winning handedly. In total control of his opponent, he was in a position where he was exposing the other wrestler’s back to the match and racking up points. Although he was in control, the move also required him to be on his back as well.
The referee slapped the mat and called the pin. But, it wasn’t for who you think. Jonny had his shoulders near the mat as well. He lost while winning.
After giving him some space too, I asked him about what had happened. His immediate response was to blame it on the referee. He didn’t agree with the referee’s call. I got it.
This time I got to be Coach. I told him, “That was a good wrestler’s response.” A great wrestler acknowledges that he put himself in a situation for the referee to make that call in the first place. Great wrestlers make sure that never happens again.
Conclusion
Here is the awesome thing. Both started the day 0 and 1, both finished the day 5 and 1, and both finished in third place. Of Grant’s five wins, one was a 10 to 5 victory over the kid that beat him in the first round. Good stuff!
Here is what these two guys taught me on Saturday.
- Neither got stuck in their first-round loss. They fought back one match at a time. The leadership lesson…when things fall apart and don’t go as planned, spend a brief amount of time in the moment, then move on. In his book, Winning the Locker Room, former Atlanta Falcon’s Coach Mike Smith said, “Have bad moments, not bad days.” Great leaders put one foot in front of the other until we get to our desired destination.
- Both made the decision to pursue being great wrestlers, not just good ones. They both had every excuse to settle for good and they didn’t. The leadership lesson…choose great over good. Every minute of every day. Great leaders never aspire to be ordinary, it places us well short of our desired destination.
- I didn’t share this story to tell you what a “great” coach or dad I am. The leadership lesson…people will only follow our words if it aligns with our actions. Everything I told those boys in the moment, raised both their expectations of me and my own expectations of me. As a coach, they WILL be watching. As a dad, he IS watching. As a leader, they are all watching.
Back to the original question. Do I aspire to be good or great? So…which is it?
