Dear Ashtyn

Dear Ashtyn…the title of the book I never wrote.  As with most people, I always aspired to write a book.  It would be a collection of everything I wanted my precious daughter Ashtyn Ann to know about the world she will head into one day. 

Well, that day has come.  She graduated High School this past Friday.  I didn’t have time to write a book, but I do have a platform.  Here is an open letter to the kid who made me a father with some meaningful advice from the depths of dad’s heart:

Ashtyn Ann,

It was probably thirty years ago when I watched Rise and Walk: The Trial and Triumph of Dennis Byrd.  It was the story of an NFL player who became paralyzed after an on the field collision and his fight to walk afterwards.  In the movie, his daughter was named Ashtyn Ann.  In that moment, God forever etched that name on my heart.  It would be the name my future daughter would bear.

As I lied awake this morning, I couldn’t help but close my eyes and hear the pitter patter of your feet running down the hallway in the middle of the night after a loud crack of thunder.  The same pitter patter that I would come home to after a long day’s work before you jumped in my arms. 

I had intended to write a book one day that gave you all the necessary advice that could guide you through life.  The further I got in the process of life, the more I realized there is no perfect script.  So instead, here is a collection of the best advice I am capable of giving at this point in my journey: 

Be Authentically You

Whenever you are absent the words, the knowledge, experience, confidence, or direction…just be authentically you.  Your genuine spirit is contagious.  When all else fails, default to being authentically, genuinely you.  It’s the best version of yourself. 

Storms Will Come

This is the stark reality of life.  No person goes through life without experiencing storms.  There is no forecast to predict them, no sophisticated radar to know their path, they just show up at your doorstep without warning.  With certainty, I can tell you that all storms will run out of rain.  It’s a promise to cling to in stormy conditions.  Always remember, this too shall pass.   

Get Up

As you were learning to walk, I always tried to catch you before you fell. As you got more confident to get up and get moving, the further from my reach you got.  I wasn’t always there to catch you before you fell.  I’d have to pick you up and dust you off.  As life carries you further away, I’ll always be here to do it, it may just take me a little longer to get there.  But, until I do, focus on getting up, don’t stay there.    

Laugh

The magic potion to life is laughter.  A good, deep belly laugh.  Like the ones you experience after one of my great dad jokes!  As you gain more responsibility, you will have to make a concerted effort to find the time to laugh.  It’s good for the soul.  It’s a necessity to carry us forward in this crazy world.    

Love Big

The world could use a little more love.  1 Corinthians 13 says, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.”  Take an opportunity to replace your name with love in this verse.  If God is love and we are called to emulate him, that exercise will reveal how you are loving others.  Make sure you always love big.

Do Tough Things

Always challenge yourself to do tough things.  It wards off complacency.  When we are complacent, we coast.  When we coast, we are always headed downhill.  Challenge yourself spiritually, physically, and mentally to do tough things.  We grow the most when we stretch ourselves past our current comfort levels.    

Time Flies

One of the greatest truths others will speak into your life is this…“Time flies.”  Right now, in this moment, I can certainly attest to that.  That little brown-eyed girl that used to be small enough to carry around on my shoulders is now a high school graduate.  Time is our most precious, yet limited resource.  We will never know how much of it we have left, so use it wisely.  Make the most of every single second.

Create Memories

One thing your mother and I have always tried to do for you is to create memories.  It’s at the foundation of our family.  They will last longer than anything money can buy.  Take the trip, do something extemporaneous, and always be present while doing so.  Cling to the experience for all its worth.  Create the memory.    

Express Gratitude

One of the most impactful lessons I have learned in life is that gratitude is never silent.  It needs to be expressed.  We are internally grateful people, but often fail to outwardly express it.  I am always grateful for my daughter, but have fallen short of expressing it daily.  Gratitude is to be expressed through our spoken or written words, if not, it doesn’t exist.  Express gratitude often.  I’m grateful for you.   

Capture the Moon

I will never forget the moment when I was driving you to first grade and we saw the biggest moon ever.  It was so low to the horizon, we felt like we could literally reach out and touch it.  I have never seen one more beautiful or big since.  I still think if we had just driven one more mile, I could have captured it for you.  The moon is always within your reach.  Dream big and chase every one of them until you catch them.     

Simplify Things

In a world that will bombard you with complexity, think simple.  Complexity creates chaos and confusion.  Slow down a crazy world with simplicity.  Simple produces solutions.  There is beauty and peace within simplicity.  Simplify things. 

Be Stubborn

This is a quality I have wholeheartedly passed down to you.  The world will tell you it isn’t the best quality, but don’t buy it.  Stubbornness is rooted in resilience, persistence and principle.  It’s Gritty.  Just use it with the right motives, and never with your mother!   

Run In

Others will depend on you in this world.  At times, the people closest to you will need someone to run in when everyone else has run out.  Put on your cape, use your Superpowers, and come to their rescue.  They will never forget the day you walked in when everyone else was gone. 

Be Kind

Set yourself apart with kindness.  It’s a lost art these days.  In this social media era, there are Mean, Nasty, and Hateful People in this world.  Kill ‘em with kindness.  Nothing breathes life into another human being more than kindness.  Utilize it both intentionally, but at times apply it randomly.  Never assume you know what another person is walking through in life.  Always be kind.   

Work Hard

I was always told that if I was willing to work hard, I could do anything in life.  For you, the message I was told is even truer today.  Hard workers are at a premium these days.  If you are willing to work hard, anything you have ever dreamed of is within your reach.  I promise, trust dad.

Have Faith   

Whenever the opportunity has presented itself, I try to check in on you while you are sleeping.  All I ever needed to believe in God was watching this process.  Science couldn’t create something so peaceful and beautiful.  I have great admiration for your faith.  Always prioritize committing to that faith.  It will be the cornerstone for everything in life.    

Conclusion

Know this…I have always been proud of you, am proud of you, and always will be proud of you.  You are gifted and uniquely crafted to do big things in this world.  I will always be your biggest fan.  I cannot wait to see the woman, friend, wife, and mother you become.    

I am forever grateful for the opportunity to be your father Ashtyn Ann! 

Love,

Daddy, Dad, Bruh       

P.S.  Call your dad every day, he needs it.