Curiosity kills the unknown. It opens the door to eradicate ignorance. Being curious reduces confusion and improves clarity.
Curiosity Kills
For children, one of the most common responses to a statement from an adult is, “Why?” At an early age, children are extremely curious. They genuinely desire to know “the why” behind the directive.
As they get older, that same curiosity is covered in attitude and at times defiance. It’s a less effective way for them to attempt to understand “the why” behind the directive.
In defense of the next generation, adults do a pretty good job of killing curiosity with the answer to the question of “Why?” Our standard response…“Because I said so!”
I have always tried to be a curious person. I find the art of being curious to be an extremely beneficial skill in problem solving, leadership learning, and relationship building. The more we know, the more effective we become in developing solutions, increasing knowledge, and strengthening bonds with others.
Here are four thoughts on what curiosity can kill when it comes the area of people and relationships:
Suspicion
I once heard pastor and leadership author, Andy Stanley, give a leadership talk on this topic. He said, “when there are gaps in communication, we fill it with either trust or suspicion.” For most of us, silence usually leads to suspicion. In the absence of trust, suspicion comes naturally.
Curiosity kills suspicion. When the gap in communication forms, close it with curiosity. Curiosity creates conversation, conversation generates trust. When we trust, curiosity kills suspicion.
Silent Struggles
One of the most powerful questions one can ask of another human being…“How are you doing?” If we want to know the unspoken struggles of a person, be curious here. It shows we care.
One caveat, it must be a genuine ask, not an obligatory one. It must make the person feel like we really desire to know. It requires sitting across from the person and making them feel like they are the most important person in the world. The time and attention we give to their response matters.
It’s safe to say that the average person is not only experiencing a struggle in their world, but many. The pressure builds, and builds, and builds. It’s easy to suffer in silence. Outwardly expressed struggles are more relatable to others than we can even begin to imagine. Curiosity opens the pressure relief valve, it kills silent struggles.
Debate
We are in an extremely divisive time in history. Debate seems to be the preferred medium in which people who think differently engage each other. It produces conversation centered around who is right and who is wrong.
Curiosity opens up dialogue between people. It allows for a space and place for people to seek understanding. Even if the dialogue doesn’t alter the position of either, it can lead to a greater perspective on the position of the other.
When we seek to appreciate the Vantage Point of others, productive conversation happens. Curiosity kills debate.
Worry
Too often, we let worry live rent free in our heads. Worries are the list of concerns we have little control over. They are our doubts that unnecessarily dominate our thoughts.
I wish we could all go back in time and make a list of worries that we had a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. How many of those worries ever came to fruition? How much time and energy did we spend on something that never even happened?
How do we kill worry? Curiosity.
If we are not sure where we stand with another person relationally…just ask. Don’t be uncertain. Be curious enough to ask the question and clarify the confusion. More often than not, it’s simple misunderstandings that separate us. Curiosity clarifies the misunderstanding, creates certainty, and leaves little doubt.
Worry is the most unproductive emotion, curiosity kills it.
Conclusion
Curiosity is the art of asking good questions. Humans are born with a selfish nature. Asking “Why” isn’t the only thing that came natural to us as children. The word “mine” was heavily used when it came to playpens and sandboxes.
Selfish natures end sentences with periods, not question marks. Curiosity is a selfless act, it ends sentences with question marks. That simple punctation change turns selfish into selfless.
Curiosity has the capability to fill gaps with trust, creates a place to share real struggles, turns debate into dialogue, and evicts worry from our heads. Most importantly, it can mend fractured relationships and strengthen even the best of ones.
Curiosity kills bad things, and that is a good thing.
